I made a lot of vegetable soup tonight because I need not to think about cooking this week at all, or to even wonder what to eat, because I’m sure it will go downhill quickly. It turned out better than any I’ve ever made before and I’m pretty sure it was because of this key component. #marylandforever #oldbayoneverything
Disrupt Aging Salon: Who Is Your Circle of Influence?
“I always said I was a hell raiser, but I’ve since found a more politically correct term for what I am: I’m a disruptor.”
Beverly Jackson wastes no time in getting to the point.
The Vice President of Social Strategy for MGM Resorts International gathered 20 of her closest friends at MGM National Harbor in Maryland last week for a discussion about (literally) changing the face of business. Beverly and Karen Chong, Director of Audience & Influencer Engagement at AARP, discussed what happens when people, particularly women, of color claim the seats they deserve at the business table.
Beverly’s friends represented many stages of her personal and professional life, and spanned fields of influence including politics, marketing, media, social good, tech, and education. Some of them knew each other well, but most didn’t. They shared in two hours of lively discussion what it means to take chances, to pursue goals that often aren’t always easily accessible to women of color, and to use their gifts with bravery to change their communities and the world. They considered:
What does it mean to gracefully lean into 50+?
How can women embrace aging in a beautiful way?
How can women aging gracefully help younger women looking for professional help?
Beverly, Karen, and her friends spoke, and I had the privilege of being in the room to listen, to learn, and to amplify.
Take charge of your story
“Once we get in the room, once we show we have the courage to get in there, people recognize that. We get the business.” Kelli Joy Richardson Lawson, @aJOYcollective
Kelli Joy Richardson Lawson spoke of her father’s wish that she add more joy to her life. She ran with this suggestion, rebranding as Joy Collective, and it’s changed the face of her career and her life. Kelli is proud of being a black woman, and finds embracing her identity and what it brings to her work an asset to her many high-level clients, her team, her family, and herself.
Glow up your friends and it will illuminate everyone.
“We talk about the glow up. When you’re finding your way in the space, look for people who can help you. No one does this by themselves.” Beverly Jackson
Beverly repeatedly and emotionally pointed out how each person in the room had supported her in her life and career. She spoke to each person’s gifts and noted how they contributed to her success, to the wellbeing of their communities, and to themselves. It was a solid reminder of the power of interdependence, and of expressing gratitude. Why not openly acknowledge what people have done for you, really? Watching Beverly do it, and the positive reactions from her friends when she did, encouraged me to do it more often myself.
Don’t dim your own light.
“The power in bravery and self assurance means being ready to stand in the light and take your moment.” Beverly Jackson
Women in particular are caregivers, focused on giving time to their children, partners, family members and friends. Too often, focusing on your own accomplishments is seen as bragging, when it’s actually good business. If you’re not your own public relations representative, who will be?
Use Your Legacy
“I thought it was time to pass the torch to the next generation, but taking myself out meant a history gap. I was erasing myself from the timeline.” Shireen Mitchell
Shireen Mitchell founded the first organization to get black women and girls into tech. The young women and girls for whom she paved the way still need her experience and history. While she still pursues other work, she can’t remove herself from a story she played such a large part in writing.
Mentoring is Critical
“I’m determined to not create bad habits for the young women and men that work for me. They need to be a whole person when they get home.” Beverly Jackson
I loved Beverly’s take on mentoring that included the aspect of modeling healthier behavior and creating an example of a work environment that supported other aspects of employees’ lives. This adds to the need to hold the door open for other women coming up in the ranks. You have a unique position to connect to the past and the future, she said. As a connector, you have a responsibility to make meaningful connections with your family, employees, and consumers.
Build a team of supporters you can trust
#DisruptAging for me includes the idea that I am connected to more people, and each day those connections are reinforced by the people in my life. Beverly Jackson
It was so moving to be in the room with Beverly & her friends, sharing honest feelings about their personal and professional lives, loves, fears, and motivations. It made me wonder who I’d invite to a similar gathering? What would that person have to say about my life, and what I’d contributed to theirs? I’m glad to say that I’ve got a list of quality people I’d gather in my own living room, to take stock of where we’ve been, what we’re doing, and where we’re going, and how we helped each other get there. I came away from this experience thinking how smart it would be to bring our own circles together for creative brainstorming and mutual support. Isolation does not support dreams, focus, or self esteem.
Who would be around your table?
This post is made possible with support from AARP’s Disrupt Aging. All opinions are my own.
What to Do With Your Many, Many Lives: the Implications of Living 100
"Did you know that 50 percent of all 10-year-olds alive today in the US —and also Chile, Japan, New Zealand, and Norway— could live to be 104 years old?"
I have been repeating this to just about anyone who will listen since I learned it at the #DisruptAging event I attended last week in DC, presented by AARP and Forbes.
It blows my mind, but it probably shouldn't. Science marches on. Life expectancy for all humans in the US in 1900 was barely 48, and now it's pushing 80. I am 47, so hey, thanks, 118 years! Now, a potential 104 for the healthiest, maybe most genetically blessed, maybe lucky enough not to get caught in a freak accident or other skewing event half of 10-year-olds? Not so out of the question.
I read this research finding five minutes into my morning, cruising around the fun and interesting lobby installations, eating a croissant (how many seconds does the saturated fat take off of my life?) and sparkling water (how many does that add? Hydration is where it's at, right?) It woke me right up, and the rest of the day kept me that way.
I was excited, hopeful, and a little bit surprised.
Because if the beginning was about the length of life, the rest of the day was about what happens in that time we might get. How does "living 100" change the way we earn, learn, connect and approach our health? Where am I? How did I get here? And what do I want to do with it now?
I've been thinking about the implications of living 100 since I was a teenager. Extremely close to all of my grandparents, I was involved in caring for my two grandmothers, after both of my grandfathers died by the age of 70. I worked as an activity manager in a nursing home, and then as a case manager and caregiver support for the Alzheimer's Association for five years after counseling graduate school. I have always had a heart and empathy for seniors, and I love the idea of being healthy and productive into old age. It's a personal goal, if I make it that far.
So everything AARP and Forbes had on the agenda mattered to me. Health. Caregiving support. Lifelong learning and career development (as a former community college counselor and professor who taught all ages, I'm passionate about this.) Good food. Community connections. It's hard to pick just six things that stood out, but I'm holding myself to it.
My Own 6 Personal Disrupt Aging Highlights
Cheryl Strayed. I am a Cheryl Strayed fan. I loved "Wild", but "Dear Sugar" is dog-eared and well-loved on my shelf. Whereas our paths through the woods were very different (mine was a metaphor as I'm way less outdoorsy, etc.) her voice is singularly moving and deeply relatable for me. Plus I have deep admiration and a prayer of thanks for anyone who kicked drugs on the level she kicked drugs. So when I saw her on the speaker list, everything else fell away. Cheryl and me in another auditorium with 500 (I'm estimating) of her other closest friends was enough for me.
She was as great as she always is. She talked about the importance of empathy and community and connection, things I'm seeing matter more and more as I age. She gave us homework:
"Speak a sentence you are afraid to speak. Tell a story you have never told. Write a letter to someone you've meant to acknowledge. These are ways to make our lives more meaningful, to 100 and beyond."
Many. Many many lives, as it turns out. You can even get a new one if you want.
Living 100, for me, means the capacity for surprise and reinvention. So it was fun to fall in intellectual like next, with a design engineer who brought career counseling to a new, brilliant level on this stage. Seriously, Dave Evans made me laugh and gave me hope and took my notions of a front-loaded life where 47 is nearing a professional and personal end and knocked them upside down.
If we're living to be 100 or close, it's a little nuts to think that we should have it all sorted out by 18, right?
(I think so.)
Buy his book, Designing Your Life, written with Bill Burnett. (I have recommended this book to five friends already and I haven't even read it yet. I believe in what I heard that much.) Watch his TedX San Francisco Talk. Go see him speak if he's on an agenda anywhere near you. I will.
You didn't have to tell anyone what you wrote. But it did get my seat neighbor and I talking. Crafty move, AARP and Forbes.
The workbook. Yes. Each speaker in the morning sessions directed us to the workbook we got at registration. We got reflection and writing time after each session. I am a teacher always and forever and I approve.
I met the former Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy. He did important work on behalf of those of us with addiction and I needed to tell him how much I appreciated it. It bears mentioning that the gift of sobriety is the only reason I got a shot at making it through my 40s, much less to 100. This looked a little dicey five years ago.
He was so kind and gracious. I don't know if people know what it means to give credence and financial and governmental support to resources for addicts, both for ourselves and for the people we stand to lose at all ages if things don't change. I have already lost a brilliant friend to heroin at 30 who could have changed the world in the 50 or 60 more years science says she should have gotten, and I will probably lose more. It's reality. And it's a crime and, as it turns out, a somewhat calculable loss.
We need people to treat addiction like the disease it is. Mental health issues frequently co-occur and those are stealers of health and life and vitality, too. People cannot live well addicted to alcohol and/or drugs, and they often die, because recovery resources are so difficult to locate. And if they do exist, they are prohibitively expensive. Dr. Murthy used his voice and position to make change, and I needed to tell him I appreciated it.
He also gave a wonderful talk with Dr. Cheryl Woodson, sharing his belief in the critical value of human connection to health. "I have no white space because I have my phone. My phone is my greatest help and hindrance," he said. I feel him.
This really beats peanut butter out of the jar.
Lunch. Can't lie, lunch provided by Fabio and Maria Trabocchi was a delight. My table was full of interesting and friendly people, particularly Edna Kane-Williams, AARP's Senior Vice President for Multicultural Leadership. I work out of my home, and most lunches don't involve conversation about what it means not just to live, but to live well in the years we get. It was a treat that I didn't even know I needed. (White Asparagus with Sicilian Olio Verde? Yes. Also Branzino. Many thanks to the Trabocchis for a delicious, healthy meal.)
Ann Curry. What can I say that you don't know? She is an engaging, brilliant speaker, and I loved hearing her in a small venue. I have "We'll Meet Again" next up in my queue.
When an oncologist told her she didn't have breast cancer, the next question was, "What are you going to do with this time you have?" She believes and tries to live the value of giving back, another thread throughout the Living 100 day, the gift of community and service. She also quoted this, from "The Once and Future King," and I fell in love forever.
“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
Did I mention she was quite smart? What a great note to end this day on.
What Else Did I Learn at #DisruptAging?
- I have many programmed beliefs about what it means to be older. 47 feels old, although what "old" even means I don't even know. It's really only old compared to my previous ages—I only have that one unreliable barometer—but it's tricky and ingrained. What if I looked at this as another point on the continuum, not a place of slowing down or
- I don't like the traditional notion of retirement, and a lot of other people don't either. With longer lifespans, economic pressures, and less traditional workplaces, it's an outdated idea. But we still have to plan for the next act. It's time for me to do that.
- Attending events where I don't know anyone is a good thing. It pushes me out of my comfort zone. Having an electronic name tag that transmits business card-style contact information to other attendees is also a huge motivator for tech geeks like me.
- Caregiving is a life-altering life situation that either has faced or will face the majority of Americans. It takes time, money, and strength that most of us lack in the amounts it requires.
Living 100 mean that I am more concerned about a notion that repeated in various ways all day long at Disrupt Aging: that it's not the number of years I'm concerned about, it's how good they are.
- For me that means building on a sobriety I found at 42 and all of the ways that's shaped my path into and in middle age.
- It means not looking at my career as a done deal or a too late, and at retirement as an outdated notion at best.
- It means community is even more crucial than we think it is. (And I think it's crucial.)
- It means that even with advances in vitality that the struggles that concern me most: mental illness and addiction...the opioid epidemic and suicide are pressing for younger people, and make the difference between whether they live vitally and well into old age, or perhaps don't get there at all.
I have attended many events over my more than a decade online, and this was one of the best. "Inspiration" is an overused word, but I absolutely felt that way. In one of the later sessions, I met a woman sitting next to me who was perhaps 20 years older. She was in business in DC, also did not have children, and lived a life of professional and personal fulfilIment. She more or less told me there was no reason to stop now, and every reason to keep going, because there was more on the horizon than I could imagine. Not a bad perspective on an age I can't change, anyway.
Join the conversation at #DisruptAging. This post is made possible with support from AARP’s Disrupt Aging. All opinions are my own. This post is made possible with support from AARP’s Disrupt Aging. All opinions are my own.
NaBloDoneMo
For the first year since sometime in the 2000-aughts, I posted on a blog every day in November, a month chosen some years back as the month when people were to do this very thing.
It was nice to have a routine again. There is comfort and also some discipline in just doing something because you're scheduled to do it, and maybe in this case setting some mental expectation of oneself to stick to something for a certain span of time, and then doing that thing. Nothing I wrote was that interesting or earth-shattering or even, honestly, necessary, but it got done.
Today I made a hazy plan to listen to (and probably share) a song by an artist I've never heard before, every day in 2018. I was driving around listening to Larry Campbell and Teresa Williams—a duo who are opening for Emmylou Harris here next week, in a show for which there are only obstructed view seats left, so to be honest I was deciding whether or not to get off the dime and buy a ticket. I was really enjoying their album "Surrender to Love" on Spotify (which is my most essential social media channel that people really underuse as a social media channel, FYI) and it occurred to me that maybe I could force myself out of my musical ruts by taking the revolutionary step of finding and listening to new stuff. I could then share it if I liked it, and people could decide to listen to it too, and maybe like it. And that's how you build community, online or off, really. Shared experience. "Hey, check out this cool thing." Maybe even, "I'm going to this show. Would you like to?"
Although let's not get crazy here.
This access to resources and the potential to share them and maybe even build some connection along the way are still the best things about the internet to me. When I started blogging in 2005, I set up a website and picked a name for it and was completely blown away by the fact that I could type into the void, hit publish, and other people could read it no matter where they were. We could all share and also be influenced by thoughts and facts and opinions from around the world. For a person like me, obsessed with media and words and ideas and communities since I was a tiny child, this seemed like a miracle, plus something I'd been waiting for all of my life and had no idea. A few years later, enrolled in a graduate multimedia journalism program that was one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life that has kept me face first in digital ever since, I wrote a research paper on 60s media theorist Marshall McLuhan, a trippy dude who basically envisioned the internet. (It's potentially the geekiest thing I've ever produced, which is likely unnecessary to point out.) His notion that "the medium is the message" still informs much of what I do online and how I respond to the web, although I can and did poke holes in it from various directions. At baseline, though, I still believe that the internet shapes the messages it sends and facilitates, by its very nature. It's not like talking (although you can talk through the internet, such, which is indeed like talking). It forms friendships that are as real as any, but are shot through with its lingo and tempo and content.
The internet has shaped me fundamentally, or maybe reshaped me, considering how old I was when I got here and how much of my personal die was cast by then. The past two years of political nightmare and fake news and bad news (so much really bad news) and threats of further corporatization of internet access and, as always, comments sections, have sucked almost all of the air out of the room, and it's easy to focus on that to the exclusion of much else. It's been a weird, stressful time. But there is a force for good here, too. Communities can form and activists can find each other and victims of oppression can gather virtually and get support from people they may not ever have met if the internet hadn't flattened the planet. I often reference the possibility and the frequent reality of people "using the internet's powers for good" and I believe in that capacity still.
And I can't ignore the fact that much of what I have going on in my life—the work I do, many of the terrific friends I have, the way I receive and transmit information, much of what I research and learn about—exists because of the night I sent yet one more tiny blog out onto the web. It's been fun to be back here for awhile.