And if that mockingbird won't sing (you are very, very lucky.)
I posted this top story on my Facebook wall, and the people read it, and laughed, so I’m sharing it here. Is this blogging again? Is it bad that I go on and on about how dogs are my main jam, and I’m immediately pivoting to birds? Does any of this matter in this economy, in 2023? I’m going to go ahead and say no.
(Scroll to the bottom for dog content, tho. I can’t stop)
TLDR, a bird woke me up.
So the other night I was asleep in my hotel room in Scottsdale when super loud, shrill shrieking woke me up at 1am MST (4am my time.) I am a heavy sleeper and when I tell you this shit woke me up, it WOKE ME UP on a level that sat me straight up; I had to do a presentation in the mid-morning, and this would not stand.
First I realized that the screaming was a bird, and not a person. And this bird was pissed.
I have a fraught relationship with birds. I want to like them more than I do, and some, like seagulls, cardinals, blue jays—your basic showoffs, naturally, a side effect of my Leo rising, maybe—I really love. Others, not so much. Crows have too many alleged magic powers, and have systematically destroyed my neighborhood on trash day for years. Geese are diabolical, of course. When several drivers stopped last week and let a family of goslings cross a busy city road, I was moved, but "How do geese turn out to be so diabolical when they start out so cute?" did briefly cross my mind. (Talk to them; it's their fault.)
I did not know what this Arizona bird was, but it was loud on a level that I hadn't experienced on a Marriott property since some New Year's Eve in the 90s. I needed sleep, and therefore I needed to sort this out.
Here are the very scientific bird intervention steps I took:
1. Google "loud Arizona desert birds" "Desert birds screaming" "Birds suck" "Why are birds?" in a sleep haze.
2. Get several hits, read too much about Arizona birds.
3. Listen to bird still screaming outside my window and panic about a presentation in the morning for ten minutes, frozen.
4. Think "There's an app to identify plants. What about birds?"
5. Google "bird call app", get hit for Merlin, an app from Cornell Lab for Ornithology, which exists. Realize that this app is free, and quite robust. I mean, this thing claims to have "Bird ID help for 10000 species". Ten. Thousand.
6. Download Merlin.
7. Crawl out of bed, wave phone around my room door, wondering if this bird is loud enough for Merlin to pick up without opening the door and exposing myself to the risk of it inviting itself into my room.
8. Use this miraculous Shazam for birds to record bird call, which is indeed piercing enough to break through a fairly solid door. This bird could be heard in hell.
9. Immediately get a hit: Northern Mockingbird. Of course. It's mocking me.
10. "And if that mockingbird don't sing" is not a concern. He's never going to buy me a diamond ring, because he can't shut up. It's all a scam.
10. Google "Northern Mockingbird", and learn that the main reason a male of this species is out carousing like so is because he is single. Bird Tinder (Tweeter?) has failed this bird, and he is irate.
11. Read way too much about the Northern Mockingbird—which, despite its name, has found itself in the Southwest, so that's a weird lie, but okay—in bed on my phone, until I am too numb with bird knowledge to stay awake, although this third shift overachiever simply will not shut up.
12. Come home the next day, and my boyfriend says "Are you telling me you met an incel mockingbird in Arizona who kept you awake out of pure spite because he couldn't get a date?"
13. Date funny people, not mockingbirds.
14. And Merlin, from the great minds at Cornell University Ornithology Lab, is why the internet isn't terrible. Sometimes.
15. And somebody at that Marriott, please get this mockingbird a date.
(The Camelback Inn was delightful otherwise, seriously! One of the best and most relaxing places I've ever stayed, besides a nocturnal bird issue.)
Around the dog web
A car straight up drove right into the front of Hoover’s daycare and boarding center, Sniffers Doggie Retreat. The building sustained significant damage, and while no human or dog was injured, two dogs escaped. Staff recovered one immediately, and the other came back TWO DAYS LATER. (The two longest days for the family and the Sniffers folks, I’m sure.) This is why I love Sniffers—the dogs are comfy enough there to come back after a stressful situation like this. Hoover screams with joy whenever he realizes that’s where he’s headed.
🎶Reunited and it feels so good.....🎶 We are beyond happy to report that as our opening staff arrived at Sniffers this morning, our little runner walked right up to our front door. The door was opened for her and she walked right in. She's happy and tail-wagging!We are beyond happy to report that as our opening staff arrived at Sniffers this morning, our little runner walked right up to our front door. The door was opened for her and she walked right in. She's happy and tail-wagging!
The only thing more charming than downtown Portland, Maine, is a downtown Portland, Maine, dog fashion show.
What Coralie Loon’s dog has taught her about her mental health.
Urbanized dogs have bigger brains. (I’m not sure my dog got this memo, or maybe he’s just spent too much time in the suburbs.)
So much for these aggressive strays:
Bobi, the world’s oldest dog at 31, is celebrating with a “very traditional” Portuguese party. He’s a Rafeiro do Alentejo, a Portuguese breed of livestock guardian dog, but more importantly, he is the world’s oldest very good boy.